Wednesday, 28 January 2009

i'm cheating. and i love it.

i jsut copy and pasted from my actual diary, cos tbh this is waaaaay much more effort than i thought. i love it and want to keep it up, but i want to do that for so much and i'm such a procrastinator it's stupid.

today has been the best day in a long time.
almost everything was perfect. well not perfect but we all always chase these stupid impossible dreams so yeah, it was almost as close to perfect as it could get.
its wierd, cos i say chloe isnt my absolute best friend and that i wont have her forever, could live without her blah blah, when in actual fact; not having her in my life, impacts me so much. on everything. everything around me, my feelings, my mood. everything.
i wonder if its because everything around me is built with her aswell, or whether its cos i actually do need her, she just reminds me of the ones i lost to this kind of thing before (meg, akers) and i want to think that if i'm not that close in the first place, i can't be hurt as much. i don't even think theres much left to say on this though. i rant so much this is seriously like a whole book of stress-attacks.
i love it though. i have to be extra careful on everything i do and i feel much more pressure with her so its obviously not back to the way it was before, but i'm happy. being with so little, makes me so much more fortunate when i actually have it all back (almost.)
didnt talk to collier+izzy much today which will totally be my aim(s) for tomorow. i think i'm gonna make little day goals instead of huge big year ones. 364 days is actually quite alot you know.
i havent kept this going which i do regret, but i'm gonna try from now on. i'm always like. 'egggh diary eggh' when actually, i'm lovin this right now.

Sunday, 25 January 2009


totally forgot about this so have decided to do a quickboi update while it's in my brain.
tbh, nothing exciting has really been happening. i've just been maintaining my semi-old-lady lifestyle, and sitting around and eating, watching tv and being on the computer for 8 hours a day.
+ i have so much work to do, but i just can't bring myself to do it, helpppppppp.

also, i found this on facebook. i forgot it was there but it brings back cute memories which i love, but at the same time wierds me out. these were the times i thought my life was perfect. but i was so so wrong.

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

sounds suicidal, but is actually not, i promise.

they're all just being so fucking stupid.
it makes me angry people can be like this.
what else do you want?
i've tried, and you haven't, yet you blame it on me.
i have feelings too.
what if it wasn't always perfect for me.
but i stood you all,
cos that's how friends work.
and now, roles reversed, this is what you do.

just stop it already,
i've had enough.
i have no more answers, and no more time to give.
i don't want to let go,
but it's becoming my only choice.

i'm not happy anymore, because of you.
i sit there and pretend, that i'm not broken in two.
because i don't want to be selfish and take it all away.

but you make me feel stupid, and leave me out.
then wonder why, i'm fed up.

i built this life, i loved so much.
yet now, quite frankly. i've had enough.

ahhh it's back againnn

I fight for it back, yet I still fall, i’m tired and worn out, away from it all.

I devoted everything,
My mind, my time,
Yet now the rips in us divide.
If this were a cloth we’d be torn in two,
I would’ve done for you.

But I guess I was right,
In my very first thought,
Can only be bought.
In films and books, it all seems so clear,
But for us i fear,
the end is near,

I’m scared,
closed up inside,
Don’t tell me it’s okay,
Cos I’m sick of the lies,
Maybe all together, is the only way to survive.

Saturday, 17 January 2009

ahhh rant moment.

bit of a drasticccccc difference between this blog and the last, but i hope that's because i'm happier so i don't need to write so much emo-poetry.

yesterday, i went into town and then ended up watching bride wars (more about that soooon), and then had to get almost 8 buses home because of some wierd timetable thing. i got stuck in goldsabbey or something at 8pm and had no idea where the fuck i was. phoned my sister and got her to googlemap me a route home, even though i had 18p and so had to cheat my way back using my school bus pass.
finally got home, 6 minutes before i had to go out again, did frantic packing and phoning up friends to ask to borrow several dvd's and chargers, then ate my dinner as we drove to my friends house, hung there for abit, and then went to a different friends house for a sleepover.

overall an eventful day i thinkkkk.
bride wars was pretty average aswell which upset me a little.
i was watching it and thinking that i just never, want to have to deal with that.
marriage just seems so fake and money-wasting.
all it is now, is just an oppotunity to show off how much cash you have, and noone really cares about the love part at all.
they made all the relationships seem stupidly un-matched, and it was obvious the only reason the girls were with the guys, was so that they could get married.

sorry about the annoyingly boring blog, i havent slept properly for so long and i really feel like pancakes so i am gonna go make them!:)

Thursday, 15 January 2009

let's work this out,

i only ever feel like writing when something has happened that makes me want to get rid of it all, (anger, sadness, jealousy) or when i want to remember that feeling forever, (happiness, love, excitement) yet everything always sounds so less materialistic if i write it like a shakesperian. (in poem form basically, yet i change all the word order cos my heads all muddled and i call it shakespere because all his words never make any sense either.)

i just wish i could get away from it all. this is way too much to handle when am i really to blame?

I’m broken somewhere,
Not scarred or tortured, not hurt or sore,
Cos broken is something so much more.
I can touch the sea; I can stroke the sand,
But I feel nothing deeper, than the cold pavement I stand.
My heart is locked, my mind a mere tool,
All I am; just another fish in the pool.

This world aplenty,
The ‘beautiful desire,’
But what if it is only, just land we require.
To live the lives we aspire so much,
When at the end, what is left but dust?
Our achievements so little, yet our goals even less
What if we’re only, the body we possess.

I can feel these walls, closing up even more,
Maybe this time, there will be no door.
No place to run, and no den to hide.
On these broken scraps of ‘life’ do I survive.
I’ve finally seen my insignificant self,
And my yearn for the end, pounds me with stealth.
To hear the rip, and see the black,
A tear of pain,
But then that, will be that.

Sunday, 11 January 2009


everythings been pretty hectic since i last wrote so i'm gonna do a quick recap of the life so far cos tbh, they're everyones faves.

1. on friday, the school boiler broke down which meant that after one hour of watching movies in form we all got to go home and chilll. or in my case hang around other people's houses and chill and then arrive home 2 minutes before i had to go out, still in my uniform and still un-packed.
2. on saturday, it was my dads birthday so we all went up to london and went to the science+history museums which were actually quite good. (about 2 years ago i slept at the science museum and so now i have to re-visit at least once a year and go lie in the exact same place i slept that night. )[/gay.] also, i went to oxford street because it's a total must, and found about 50 hundred different things i want, which i will now forever be saving up for.
3. i actually have to write about all the amazing food i had that day cos it was total best-food-day-ever-award. i had sushi and frapaccinos and loads of mcdonalds nuggets, chips and banana milkshake, creme eggs and whipped cream for breakfast, and stupid amounts of spanish tapas for dinner. finished of with a double chocolate cake and of course cream and strawberries.

today was pretty chilled, i just hung out at my dads in gen and we went for a walk which verged on boring and then played some essential monoply. i won of course. because cheaters always prosper.

Tuesday, 6 January 2009

dedicated to katieee: my only fan

i've realised that every post seems to have increasingly more space between when they were written cos i think i'm gradually losing interest in this project each day.
actually, it might not be my loss of interest, it might jsut be my lack of things to talk about, seeing as yesterday was my first day back to reality, and the first time in like 5 days that i actually had to go out and be be sociable [dudes, how do you spell sociable? socialable?socialble?] and prepareeee.
today, i went back to schoool (EURCK,) and it was just as sickly as i had thought. usually, it's not so bad cos everyone is just chilling and being all fun and yay, bit today was just total no! and by the end of the day i was just so impressed to be home:)

sorry this is stupidly boring, there is actually nothing to write.
good times ahead though hopefully guys. (or guy - hii katie:) )

04/01/2009 16:17:19 -molly: i never learn from my mistakes
04/01/2009 16:17:52 -molly: and i only realised
04/01/2009 16:17:54 -molly: the other day
04/01/2009 16:18:10 -molly: which is upsetting
04/01/2009 16:18:11 -molly: but
04/01/2009 16:18:13 -molly: i love on
04/01/2009 16:18:14 -molly: * live on
04/01/2009 16:18:23 -molly: i still love aswell
04/01/2009 16:18:33 -molly: HHAAH WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING!
04/01/2009 16:18:38 -molly: *brain spazzzzzzz*

aha, it was too good i had to blog and remember forever. eventhough it totally doesn't make sense and it's just total private joke alert.

Thursday, 1 January 2009

ma bois,

is it wierd that i do stuff like this? ^^ infact, that is just my first copy. i have since re-done it on corel to make it look like it's actually me. [if you didn't know, the guy i'm 'with' is tommy bastow - most famous as being dave-the-laugh and fit BT boy.]

in other news, it's that time again. new yearrrrr! i actually feel quite settled into 2009 right now eventhough we're only like 18 hours into it, and 2008 seems like a decade ago. actually a decade ago was 1999, which sounds so old but i can actually mentally remember moments in 1999, which is wierd and makes me feel supernatural which i love.
i don't want to become another fangirl, but seriously, how fit is rob pattinson! saw twilight again yesterday just so i could look at him in cinema size one more time.