Wednesday, 28 January 2009

i'm cheating. and i love it.

i jsut copy and pasted from my actual diary, cos tbh this is waaaaay much more effort than i thought. i love it and want to keep it up, but i want to do that for so much and i'm such a procrastinator it's stupid.

today has been the best day in a long time.
almost everything was perfect. well not perfect but we all always chase these stupid impossible dreams so yeah, it was almost as close to perfect as it could get.
its wierd, cos i say chloe isnt my absolute best friend and that i wont have her forever, could live without her blah blah, when in actual fact; not having her in my life, impacts me so much. on everything. everything around me, my feelings, my mood. everything.
i wonder if its because everything around me is built with her aswell, or whether its cos i actually do need her, she just reminds me of the ones i lost to this kind of thing before (meg, akers) and i want to think that if i'm not that close in the first place, i can't be hurt as much. i don't even think theres much left to say on this though. i rant so much this is seriously like a whole book of stress-attacks.
i love it though. i have to be extra careful on everything i do and i feel much more pressure with her so its obviously not back to the way it was before, but i'm happy. being with so little, makes me so much more fortunate when i actually have it all back (almost.)
didnt talk to collier+izzy much today which will totally be my aim(s) for tomorow. i think i'm gonna make little day goals instead of huge big year ones. 364 days is actually quite alot you know.
i havent kept this going which i do regret, but i'm gonna try from now on. i'm always like. 'egggh diary eggh' when actually, i'm lovin this right now.

No comments:

Post a Comment